Your girlfriend telling you that she wants to be single without a partner in mind may come as a shock. What happened, did I do something wrong? She tells you she wants independence and you are afraid of losing her. She notices your neediness and pulls away even further. You stay in there hoping she’ll change and realize how much you still love her, but she keeps pulling farther away.
I was in the same mess with my current girlfriend but luckily, I found ways to salvage my relationship. My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now. A few years ago, she told me she wants to be single, and it’s not me, it’s her. I was quite devastated and had to seek advice from friends and family, I read a few articles and discovered that sometimes it’s good to give people space.
Give her some space
When a girl tells you that she wants to be single and you can’t convince her to stay, just know that she has taken some time to think about it. The two of you may have been arguing for a while now or she doesn’t like how you treat her. It may be because of some of your personal habits or an incompatibility issue.
The first thing to do is accept the breakup and give her some space. Now, she knows that you want her back, so giving her space takes away the feeling of having power over you. Don’t give her satisfaction by trying to make her change her mind. Give her something like 3-7 days; waiting too long is also a bit dangerous. Just casually and confidently accept her decision and wait. This shows her that you aren’t needy and aren’t forcing her to change her mind, instead, you are exercising self-control.
Know why you split up
You don’t have to recall the painful times and what she might have done to you. All you need to remember is how you got here. You may notice that some of the issues raised can be easily fixed. I once badly fell out with an ex of mine due to a simple argument over a movie.
I went away feeling hurt but reflected on what she said, I was able to win her heart back. It’s good to understand what caused her to say this as it can help in problem-solving. However, it’s pointless to get back with your ex-girlfriend if you feel she is not the right one for you.
Remember what made her like you
When in a relationship for a while, it’s easy to forget what made you get attracted to each other and you may end up pointing out each other’s weaknesses instead of strengths. Take time to reflect on what made her get into you. It could be your sense of humor that could cheer her up when she’s feeling low, or that you are a good listener. Get your list right and the next time you meet or see her, try the magic charm on her. This might rekindle the love she once had for you.
Make her remember the good times that you guys had. On the first day of the breakup, she might be thinking what kind of guy you are. But as days go by and she gets the space she wants, she might end up recalling those beautiful moments you two shared together. Let her get through that phase and then show her what she’s missing.
Show her what she is missing
Get out there and spend time with other women. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you sleep with these women to show your ex-girlfriend that you’ve moved on and are ok. Simply spend time with them, it will make her feel jealous and then you get to use this jealousy to your advantage. If you guys communicate, you can even go further and tell her that it was a great idea and that you can date other women and explore other potential options. This shows her that despite her leaving you, you are still wanted by many. Trust me, if used wisely, jealousy will get your girl back from singlehood.
Show her the change
If she broke up with you due to some behavioral issues and you’ve managed to note them and worked on them, then it’s good to not only say them but also put them in action. It’s good to show her the change since she left and with the right attitude. This will make her change her mind very quickly. Girls want a guy that is independent and has got his acts together. He’s confident about who he is and is not intimidated. Remember that attitude is matters a lot, and if in the past you were overly jealous, then show her that you have found ways to deal with that.
Be persistent and consistent
Good things come to those who wait and being patient & consistent is a virtue. If a girl breaks up with you in anger or haste, then the anger will begin to fade and pass away leaving you with a much clearer conscience. On your part, you need to be persistent without becoming too obsessive. Let her know that you want her back but without making it too obvious that you need her.
Do not use her friends/family
It might be tempting to reach out to her family or friends and check up on her if she’s ignoring you. It’s a bad idea to send that message to her family or friends as they are on her side and not yours. Furthermore, it shows your level of desperation which isn’t a very attractive trait.
James M. Reid
Relationships are complex according to James M. Reid, but there is always a way to make things work. The only problem is that people don’t want to make sacrifices for the greater good. Getting into a romantic relationship is one thing but to sustain the relationship is difficult and draining. For couples that are determined to make things work, James insists on them working on their relationship right from the very beginning. His mission is to build relationships from infancy and not when things start going south. James offers advice to teens. He advises them on how to treat a girl or a boy and even how to approach either gender for a blissful relationship going forward.