While in a relationship with your girlfriend, a breakup is the last thing you would think of. The more you grow fond of her and get used to her presence when together, the worse it can become after a breakup. A breakup can make things go downhill very fast which then leads to a separation. It’s always painful to deal with a post-breakup, especially if you are the one that just got dumped.
It’s impossible to get over your ex in days. But before you know it, it might be days after your breakup. You may no longer be missing her but you purely want a friendship with her but don’t know if you should contact her or not. What will she think of me, that I’m desperate or what? If after a breakup you are left wondering whether to contact your ex-girlfriend or not, then you have come to the right place.
How to initiate a hook up
Depending on the circumstances around the breakup, it’s perfectly fine to contact your ex-girlfriend after she broke up with you. However, this should be done under certain circumstances. You firstly have to get over the relationship and ensure that she does the same. It will be hard for you two to even be friends in the future if one of you still has emotional baggage.
Next, ensure that there is a clear line between your friendship and your love life. Make sure to highlight what is allowed and what isn’t. This is because, since you were lovers previously, you may end up falling in love again without sorting out what messed you two in the first place leaving you with a much nastier breakup than before. When both of you are on the same page, then your relationship can flourish.
When to contact your ex-girlfriend
After a breakup and out of contact, it gets to a point when your ex completely moves on and depends on how long you guys have been together. At the time, if they haven’t found someone else, it’s worth giving it a try and winning them back. The best part is that you have nothing much to lose. This could work for or against you. If your ex really missed you enough, she would have given it a shot by reaching out.
By contacting her, you may manage to rekindle the lost flame and get her to start recalling those sweet memories you had together without you reminding her. However, if you are in doubt over reaching out or not, then don’t do it. Since she was the one that dumped you, it’s best that she reaches out first if she wants you back in her life. So be careful before contacting the ex-girlfriend that dumped you.
If you decide to contact her, then:
Give it time
After your ex breaking up with you, it’s not a good idea to rush into contacting her immediately. This is because just like a wound, you have to give it time to heal before touching the scar. Give it time and depending on your relationship and how you broke up, you can wait for a week to a month after the breakup.
During this period, disappear from her life completely. Even though the urge to contact her is high don’t call or text, instead, fight off the urge. Regardless of the future relationship, whether as friends or as lovers again, giving her personal space is the best way to maintain any relationship afterward. Just don’t take long.
Mind the time
Simply because you were previously in a relationship and now in communication, you don’t have to call or text anytime. Respect her privacy and avoid calling or texting her early in the morning or late in the night. This is because such calls and texts come from people that mean a lot to someone. If you do this, she might think that all along you wanted to get back with her and that the friendship was just a disguise. Just casually contact her if you have something urgent to talk about and make the call as short as possible. When texting, don’t use an emoji and may end up suggesting something.
What should I say to her
There are no specific words to say to your ex-girlfriend when you contact her after the breakup. If you have been apart for a short while, to show that you still value the moments you two shared, you could reach out with a shared memory. For example, you could visit your favorite place like a restaurant with friends and share the moment with her saying it reminded you of the good times you had together in the restaurant.
Finally, end the message by expressing that you hope all is well on her end. This will show that you are social and that people want to spend time with you. It also shows that you have moved on and will end up putting a mental picture in her mind. The best way to put such as message is by text.
What if she has a new guy?
If she left you for another guy, it may not be a good move to contact her. You may end up looking desperate and needy. However, it also depends on your current position after the breakup. In such scenarios, it’s sometimes best to practice no-contact and let it do the talking. This is because it may hurt a lot that she left you for someone else and you know that.
You may start comparing yourself to the guy and start imagining her life now with the guy wishing it were you instead. But if you’ve already moved on, you can choose not to contact her, or reach out and be friends maintaining a positive line of communication. Keep showing her the new you and continue working on yourself. Also, give her time for her new relationship to prosper as she may think that you are trying to ruin it.
James M. Reid
Relationships are complex according to James M. Reid, but there is always a way to make things work. The only problem is that people don’t want to make sacrifices for the greater good. Getting into a romantic relationship is one thing but to sustain the relationship is difficult and draining. For couples that are determined to make things work, James insists on them working on their relationship right from the very beginning. His mission is to build relationships from infancy and not when things start going south. James offers advice to teens. He advises them on how to treat a girl or a boy and even how to approach either gender for a blissful relationship going forward.