A breakup even for guys is a hard thing to undergo. This is because it wasn’t your choice and you’ve been left in a disadvantaged position. For a man, it pains that your girlfriend who all this while supposedly loved you so much just broke up with you. All those times you spend together and the plans you had for the future are gone. I don’t know what’s worse, you still loving her or her leaving you for another man.
There is always a reason why a breakup would occur. If you love your girlfriend, then in most cases, you can get her back. But, this will require self-control, determination, and above all, patience. The more effort you put in, the higher your chances of winning her back.
I know you love her very much and you probably can’t imagine living without her. Now, please stop panicking and take some time off. After a breakup, the emotions run high and you might be thinking of calling her every time so you two can get back but you shouldn’t. Relax and allow your emotions to cool off. At this point, don’t do anything, give her time too.
Don’t contact her at all. After about 2 to 8 weeks when you are in a better mindset; you have a higher chance of winning her back than when you were at the start. This is because, in the early days, she hasn’t found enough time to miss you and is probably convincing herself that she has made the right decision.
However, given a little more time, she will realize she actually misses you. Now, with this information, you should feel a little better inside since it doesn’t mean all is lost and that you still stand a better chance to win her back.
Understand why she broke up with you
The first step is to find out and understand why she left you. If she decided to leave you, then there is a reason behind it. She may have mentioned it before the breakup but you didn’t pick it up until during or after the breakup. It’s not possible to change what has already happened. You pick yourself up and improve on the future rather than sitting there and sulking.
Determine if it’s worth fighting for it
Loving someone is one thing but tolerating each other is another. In the scenario where it’s your ex that ended things, it’s going to be a difficult task to get them back. This means that your ex-girlfriend holds the advantage. So, it’s very important to establish whether the relationship is worth the fight and avoid being blinded by infatuation and love.
Unfortunately, since you are the one chasing after her, chances are high that she isn’t worth the fight. This is true because, as a boyfriend and girlfriend, you need to fight for each other and keep the relationship alive. Unless you really did something unforgivable, she should be able to face you and correct you. People fight, couples fight, but at the end of the day, they resolve their differences, learn from them and move on. So, before you start chasing her, ensure that the relationship is worth fighting for.
Come up with a plan to win her back
Now that you determined it’s worth winning her back, you need to come up with a plan. I remember a few years back when my then-girlfriend who is now my wife dumped me, I went looking for tips to win her back, I found some that were helpful and even used them. I was still naïve and didn’t know what to do, the research helped me beyond just winning her back. We now have a successful and wonderful marriage.
Ideally, you should evaluate what made you two break up, if it was because of your future plans, the number of kids that you want to have and the places that you would like live then that means that you guys are incompatible and will probably break up again in future. But if it was over issues that are unrelated to your future, like one partner moving to another city because of work, then you still have a chance to make things work.
So, now that you know what caused the breakup; you have relaxed, and have determined that it’s worth fighting for your ex-girlfriend. You just need to decide whether you will move to where she is and plan for how to get settled and find a job. Sometimes in relationships, couples make sacrifices especially if they share the same dreams and life goals.
Other issues that could create a rift between you and your girlfriend are your lack of confidence, poor communication skills, and faithfulness. Faithfulness stems from self-control but if you are suffering from low self-esteem issues, you must seek help. Confidence is built from being fearless, following through with your plans or promises, standing up for yourself, and creating long-term goals and following through with them.
When it comes to communication, you have to practice being a good listener, understand what she is saying, and answer appropriately. Re-read your messages before hitting send, think before you speak, and watch your body language when you are talking to her in person.
Don’t try to control her
When you win her back, don’t control her, instead, influence her. If this was your mistake, to begin with, then try to manipulate her. Influence her, lead the way and let her follow. This shows her that you are in control without actually being in control. It shows that you are a strong man that she can trust and look up to without feeling controlled. For example, you are trying to get back with your ex and decide to write her a text. In the text, you tell that you are upset things did not go your way. It feels like you are trying to selfishly control the conversation.